As I get farther and farther away from the married state (something like 12+ years now?), I get less interested in doing it again. However, I find the Gottman work extremely useful for life in general. He wrote of the four horsemen of the apocalypse as relationship killers. This can apply to anything, be it a coupleness, work, friends, and so on. I find that by reigning in my horsemen, I have managed to improve any relationship I have. For work, it keeps me out of trouble. I just button my lip and keep my head down. For friendships, it helps me pick my battles. For relationships, it forces me to be honest in some ways and annoyingly circumspect in others.
There seems to be, in hacker circles, this insistence on "truth". In reality, a lot of "truth" is simply being annoyingly opinionated. Once folks learn to let a lot slide, life gets better. Everyone gets calmer. I mean, is it worth turning beet red over someone choosing to play Myst on an Apple or DOS box?
As for post marital fu, its an interesting exercise in the invevitable Monday morning quarterbacking, but realize that what you learn can help you everywhere, not just in the next relationship.
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Date: 2005-07-12 06:41 pm (UTC)There seems to be, in hacker circles, this insistence on "truth". In reality, a lot of "truth" is simply being annoyingly opinionated. Once folks learn to let a lot slide, life gets better. Everyone gets calmer. I mean, is it worth turning beet red over someone choosing to play Myst on an Apple or DOS box?
As for post marital fu, its an interesting exercise in the invevitable Monday morning quarterbacking, but realize that what you learn can help you everywhere, not just in the next relationship.